Part One: Diablo Cody
Walking into a store yesterday, the woman in front of me turned around and said, â€œYou look just like that writer who won an Oscar. For Juno. You must have people telling you that all the time.â€
Um, actually, no. I donâ€™t. But it was the second time in a week that Iâ€™d been told that I resemble some other woman who also happens to have dark hair and bangs. And heavy eyeliner. Megan and I were asked the other night if weâ€™re sisters. Now, in both instances, I feel itâ€™s a favorable comparison. An honor, if you will. Itâ€™s not as if I mind. But… if you saw two guys with buzz cuts, would you think they might be brothers? I donâ€™t bear any actual physical resemblance to either Diablo or Megan.
However, when getting ready to head to work this morning, I did switch my purse contents to my leopard-print satchel in homage to Ms. Cody. Hereâ€™s to you, Diablo. And congratulations on your win.
Part Two: More than you ever wanted to think about bras
The store mentioned above was having an AMAZING sale on bras. I did not go in for bras. I do not actually need any bras. But this sale? Did I mention? It was good. I do not turn my cheek to $5 bras. I felt a little guilty when I got home. I mean, I just added six new bras to an already healthy selection. I asked Erin how many she thought was â€œnormalâ€ and she responded that she has about 20. She did not specify whether or not she felt this qualified as a normal amount. I asked Nick what he thought, and his take was that a gal should have one for every day of the week, or more if she has sweaty boobs. Note to guys: This is why we do not ask your opinions about these things. Not that there is anything illogical about that answer.
Owning bras is one thing, but fitting bras is quite another. Itâ€™s really simple. You measure around your chest, under your boobs. Then you measure around the fullest part. Take those two measurements, turn around three times counterclockwise, divide by the hypotenuse, and solve for X. Okay, itâ€™s not actually that bad. But every time I measure myself according to the rules, I come up as a 34A. And I promise you, if someone were to cram me into a 34A, Iâ€™d probably have their head on a plate by the end of the day. The majority of my bras, at least until last nightâ€™s shopping spree, are a 36B (worn on the smallest hooks). Quite comfortable, no issues.
The so-so-very-pretty $5 bras that were on sale, however, were in a variety of this-is-whatâ€™s-left sizes, none in a 36B. Now, I once read an article in some magazine that claimed that you could go up or down a band size as long as you did the opposite with the cup size. Following this assertion, I should be able to wear a 34C. And, of course, thereâ€™s the whole mythical 34A theory. If you combine those, I should be able to wear a 34A, B, or C. So I decided to experiment, and bought the bras I liked in â€œclose enoughâ€ sizes. Three 34Bs and three 34Cs. Three different brands all together, all new to my personal collection. I brought them home and decided to do a little comparison. Do you know what the difference is between a B wire and a C wire? Amongst all of my assorted bras? After holding them all up together, end to end, checking the curve… nothing. As for the perceived depth of the cups… not visible to the naked eye. Iâ€™ve been wearing a 34C all day, and while I do find the band to be too tight (on the middle row of hooks), itâ€™s not as if I feel loose or unsupported within the cups.
Ladies, I think weâ€™re being taken. Do any of my readers have insider information that might help?
5 Replies to “Two, Two, Two Posts in One!”
Note to girls; that is exactly why we come up with those answersâ€¦
On a side note,
While I was holding your bras all together, end to end, comparing the curveâ€¦
I thought they all looked the same tooâ€¦ 😉
The over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder was invented by a man. WHAT was he thinking?
That said, I think each brand has their own ideas of sizing and they are each using different models for size. I hate bras but am just slightly big enough that I can’t get away without one. I’m also an odd build and shape that makes me look strange and mutant in 90% of the bra styles out there. I discovered the PURE JOY of the half sizes and Playtex actually has a style that makes me look
normalgood under most of my shirts.
Did I mention I hate bras? I hate shopping for them more. There ain’t no Secret sale hot enough to turn my head.
I set a whole day aside one day to put an end to my bra woes and I pretty much got the same results. If I wear a 36B and attach at the first hook, it’s pretty much the same as when I wear a 34C and attach at the last or middle hook. Now fit is one thing, comfort in another. I’m still working on that one.
p.s. I would never mistake you for Diablo Cody, you’re way hotter 🙂
Everyone, meet Carrie (above). I swear, the flattery is unsolicited and completely free of charge. My favorite massage therapist, she is moments away from landing her dream job in an undisclosed L.A. location. As soon as I have any details to divulge, Iâ€™ll send you her way and she can start telling YOU what a terrific booty you have.