This post is not about sewing

No, Thursday’s project dealt with vibrators.

Yeah, that got your attention.

You see, I was trying to apply for a position writing product reviews for an online retailer, and the application process hinges upon my submitting a writing sample. This retailer would like to see 300-500 words about a vibrator. If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know that words usually come easily to me. I can write at length about practically nothing. Here’s this opportunity to write about an actual, tangible object… one with which I am coincidentally familiar… and for the life of me, I cannot seem to come up with 300 words. And that’s just the bare minimum! My current word count on the product is at 232, and that includes the noise- and vibration-level ratings. Something I had never particularly thought about until it was time to write an in-depth review. I’m not giving up yet, it’s only been one night, but I’m really not sure how much more I can say. I don’t want to read other writers’ reviews, because I don’t want to be influenced by anyone else’s writing style, but to my readers: What details would you most appreciate reading in a review of a vibrator? Keep in mind, the product details (dimensions, features) are clearly listed on the main product page. If I mention them in the review, it needs to be in relation to its use.

I am so very glad that my father doesn’t read my blog.


*Unintentional double entendres highlighted for the pleasure of the Saints & Pinners. “Everything in bowling is dirty!” 

8 Replies to “This post is not about sewing”

  1. I’d like to know if it’s ergonomically designed for single person use or for someone else to drive.

    Knowing if it’s a japanese motor is also critical, the motors are much more powerful and efficient in addition to being more durable (read: last longer).

    Is it compatible with teledildonics?

    I’m realizing I know way too much about vibrators… I’ll stop now.


  2. Hahahahaha…that’s perfect. Maybe you could come up with a list of questions that someone would ask about a vibrator and go from there. That’s what I would do…I think.

    Oh yeah and I think the title should be “Dude, where’s my foreplay?”


  3. Is it waterproof… really? How flexible is it? Can you work it one-handed? (the earlier reference to ergonomics) Does it smell funny? *Before* using it, people… some of them smell like cheap plastic shower curtains… or maybe like cherry cough syrup, like some balls. 😉 (for the Saints and Pinners) Speaking of dirty, how easy is it to clean?

    Ok, that’s all I can think of for now…


  4. Got someone here who has reviewed vibrators before. I’m happy to have some interesting friends.

    1 – Shape (shaft / head / length / width )
    2 – What lubricants is it compatible with
    3 – how many speeds or is it gradual?
    4 – length / width
    5 – airport security friendly
    6 – material it’s made out of
    7 – power source (battery/plug/solar – they exist)
    8 – smell AFTER using it (some hold smells longer)
    9 – Can it be combined with another toy (vibrating stap-on?)

    Anyway, we’re tired, been baking pies all night. (apartment smells good)

    Hope this helps.


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