At Liberty

I am still experiencing a wide range of emotions.

I woke up on Thursday, unsure of whether or not I needed to go into the office. Eventually, I heard that I didn’t need to show up until Friday morning. Good! That left Thursday open to work on that staggering list of Things To Do. I went through my email, and addressed a couple of necessary replies. (Amy, I haven’t forgotten about you!) Early in the day, a Friend In The Industry called to ask if I was still shopping for CS3. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. I found a suspiciously low price online, but haven’t been able to verify the morality of the vendor. Why do you ask? Because you can get me an ethical copy for an even better price? Oh, frabjous day!

I met friends for lunch, and lunch turned into… late lunch. We talked and talked and caught up and talked and laughed and people came in and out of the restaurant, while we remained. For hours. And hours. Fully five hours after I’d walked out of the house, I finally returned home. And I was anxious. Anxious about all the work I’d assigned to myself, and not gotten done. Anxious about how much time I’ll have to work on this Very Necessary stuff, once I’m busy working as a contractor for the next few weeks. Anxious about the stuff that I NEEDED TO GET DONE TODAY. My friend Nick sent me an email, and told me to not worry about it until next week. Take some time to let my head decompress. Mentally, I fired off a reply: But you don’t understand. You don’t “get” that I need to take care of these details before I can get more work. This is Very Necessary stuff! And then I checked the rest of my email. I read one from another friend, informing me that her very sick cat had taken a turn for the worse, and didn’t make it. My heart broke. I immediately called my friend to offer inadequate condolences. I cried for her loss. I felt useless during this time when she most needs help.

I took a breath. And another. I reassessed my situation. I heard what Nick had been saying. Sure, I could stress out about getting this stuff done RIGHT NOW, while my head is foggy with shock. Or I could wait until next week, or the week after, or when my contract is up, and work on my resumé and portfolio with a clear head and a better idea of what I’m trying to do. And I can take a day where I get “nothing” done. Take care of me. Play with the cats. Enjoy a brief moment of being At Liberty before I waste another minute panicking.

My contract begins at 8:30 on Friday morning. Everything will be fine. I’m counting on it.