First Dates

There’s a guy who works at the café I frequent at lunchtime who is kind of cutishy. I’ve been going to that café for months, but didn’t care to look close enough to see if he wears a wedding ring until Monday.

He doesn’t.

Now, this doesn’t actually tell me anything. He’s a chef, working with food and knives all day, and might choose to not wear his ring for safety reasons. Or he could be unmarried, but with a serious girlfriend. Maybe he’s single. Heck, he could prefer men. No matter what, my attempts to flirt with him have been met with indifference. Which I’m okay with, because OMGWTFBBQ WHAT IF HE ASKED ME ON A DATE?!

When was the last First Date I had? working backwards… I cared (care) very much for Jack, but you couldn’t call our “relathingy” dating. Dane and I never actually went out anywhere; our orbits within the circle of friends merely overlapped for a blip. Timber and I were friends for nearly a year before we ever became an item, neatly bypassing any First Date awkwardness. Similar story with Chris, although I’d know him even longer. In fact, I had the dubious “pleasure” of watching him leave on his first date with the gal he wound up dating before me. THAT first date went well. Before Chris was Kevin, and Kevin and I had known each other since high school. I did go on one blind date in between Kevin and Chris. A mutual friend set the two of us up. Me: well, me. Him: an accountant. Yeah, that was brilliant. But it does qualify as a First (and Last) Date. So that was… 11? 12? Years ago. I haven’t been on a First Date in over a decade. And that one was bad. Not pulling-a-hair-from-my-head-and-flossing-with-it bad, but not good. So, as much as I’d like to be making with the hugging and kissing with someone, there’s a pretty big hurdle to leap before getting there. And I’m not looking forward to it.

I thought this would be a beautiful wedding ring

And I do very much love the sheer passion behind it. But truth be told, I’m too much of a hopeless romantic, and I want to grow old with someone… and I want to wear one ring for the duration. I’m not sure I want to be 80 and wearing a ring that reads “FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.” Or maybe that is fucking beautiful.

$295, exclusively from Kiki de Montparnasse. Click on the photo for details.

Made. My. Day.

Scene: Clickity clacking through the mall at lunch in my yellow stilettos, on a mission to find a white patent belt to match to my white patent shoes. Clickity clack, clickity clack…

Young, French Salesguy at beauty cream kiosk: Sweet-heart! I lahk your chooz.
Me: Hmmm? Oh, thanks. (smile; continue walking)
YFS: Oh and look, a mahtching bracelet. Verr cute. Would you lahk to try some hand crème?
Me: No, thanks. (continue walking)
YFS: Hey, come herrr for a moment. Zhust for a moment.
Me: Um, okay… (about to add “I’m on my lunch break and in a bit of a hurry,” I walk back over but my body language is two stores down the hall already)
YFS: (steps away from his kiosk, and asks very quietly) Are you ovherrr twenty-five?
Me: (blushing at the obvious-but-still-charming salesguy flattery) Yeeessss… (where on earth is he going with this? is it some kind of anti-aging cream? I’m considerably older than 25, so this line of reasoning is going to backfire on him…)
YFS: (still quietly) Will you mahrry me?
Me: (now blushing furiously) Oh! Oh, uh, thank you!

Now, if I had any actual social skills, this would have been an excellent time for me to say something like “I don’t know about that yet, but I’ll let you take me to dinner.” But I have no social skills. I blushed like mad, thanked him again, perhaps a third time, and kept walking down the hall. Smiling.